Why I Cry on My Birthday

A birthday can bring many emotions. I don't know about you, but I cry at least a little almost every year on my birthday. There are many reasons this has happened over the years. Some significant, some silly. Yesterday I was taking a walk and thinking about my life, my family, friends. You. Reflecting on so many things and of course, the tears came.

Over the years, I've cried on my birthday...

because I was single
because a certain person didn't call
because my heart was broken
because of the friends who surrounded me
because I was away from people I love
because I laughed so hard
because I felt lonely or misunderstood
because I was leaving for Africa the next day
because I felt fat and had nothing to wear


I cry on my birthday this year...

for Hudson...that we still have you and you are stable!
for my super fun Graham
because its my first bday without any grandparents
for my cousin who only got 37 years
(we miss you, Darin! I shouldn't get older than my big cousin.)
for my husband's dreams of flying
for being so far from home
for my career
out of thankfulness for God's provision
for the sacrifices my friends and family have made for us
for the "love of my life" birthday card from my handsome husband
for the card from the CHOP nurses and my sweet mother and father-in law
for the card and flowers
for all the messages, posts and texts
for Paris...oh Paris

The tears come from joy, sadness and being overwhelmed.

I'm a loved girl.
Thanks for a great 37th bday!

Hope lives here.

So my family and I have been at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) since June 29th (minus 3 days I went home to North Carolina for work and to sort out a few important details). I had Hudson on July 17th and he has been in the cardiac intensive care unit since.

On the day of so many tests and attempts at a diagnosis, I sat in their diagnostics center and the Special Delivery Unit for many hours. You can't be at CHOP long without seeing their logo and tagline.

I teared up in that lobby as I read those words, "Hope lives here." 

Our sweet Hudson has overcome so much during the three months of his little life and the obstacles aren't over. But, the first time I read their tagline I didn't know if I'd ever even get to meet our sweet boy alive. I desperately wanted their tagline to be true.

 (One day I'll take the time to tell the story of his birth and the miracle that was.)

For now, I want to talk about hope.

Hope: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen; a feeling of trust

I've had moments of hope and moments of despair. The idea of hope and even the word "hope" typically leave us feeling positive but this tagline leaves out how hope is produced in us.

Romans 5:1-5

1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 

2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 

3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 

4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.

5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

So where does hope come from?

Suffering. 

Perseverance. 

Character. 

HOPE.

I HATE this chain reaction. His ways are not our ways. Not MY ways.

But, hope comes from suffering.

Ultimately we are left with going back to verse 2.

"Rejoice in the hope of the glory of God." That's our ultimate HOPE. 

Jesus.

I'm telling myself this more than I'm telling you.

Hudson is 3 Months Old!!

Our miracle baby is three months old! Hudson is still having major challenges but he is here and we are honored to be his parents. He has the cutest, kissable cheeks and we joke that he sometimes looks like a grumpy old man when he wrinkles up his little nose.

He is so precious and such a tangible miracle. We love him and want the very best for our boy.

Here's his big brother, Graham:

Hudson is so special that he's making news!

This image was on the hood of our friend's race car. So fun and incredibly thoughtful. Thanks, Davin & Kelley!

"Uncle Neil" is going to be sporting this awesome shirt when he runs the New York Marathon the first weekend of November! We love you, Neil!!

Our dear friends held a lemonade stand and bake sale for our sweet boy. We love you, Lily, Abby and Nathan! You are so good to us!

Here's a recent video of our Hudson:

Happy Two Months, Hudson!

Our special boy is two months old today!

While celebrating milestones is wonderful for every child, our boy is a miracle baby and to still have him is simply pure joy. We are continuing to pray for strength, health, stability, growth and more miracles for our little Hudson.

Three Generations of Sylvestre Men!

Our sweet Lily Galphin is so generous and thoughtful!! Love you, sweet girl!

Exactly Two Months Old...taken today

The nurses at CHOP are phenomenal and our boy has stolen so many of their hearts. In fact, they come by and visit him even when they aren't assigned to care for him. A group of nurses nicknamed him their "Huddy Buddy". So cute!

Happy Two Months, sweet boy!

Thank you, Jesus, for Hudson. We love him dearly!