I read recently that elephants are pregnant from eighteen to twenty-two months. Can you imagine? Almost two years!
During both my pregnancies I couldn't get a true, deep breath. I had to shallow breathe for the last few months until the boys were born. Sleep was a distant friend during the last trimester.
Though I feared losing my freedom, I had always wanted to be a mom. But, I was not made for pregnancy like some of my crazy awesome friends who ran daily while pregnant. I was sick at the beginning and huge at the end. I could barely do normal life stuff.
When you are pregnant, you are expecting. Literally expecting. You are waiting and anticipating. You are preparing and rearranging and nesting. There is a timeframe with a due date.
I've gone through this twice. Neither went very well in terms of "normal" deliveries and both my boys spent time in the NICU. One with minor breathing issues for 11 days and one who is now in heaven after an eight-month fight with heart disease.
So, the journey to motherhood has not been an easy path. I can't say many moms would say it is easy. Many of my dearest friends have suffered the horrible quiet pain of miscarriage and infertility. Since being a mom of loss, I am now much more acquainted with the world where people lose children. So much pain!
The crazy thing is after all of that I am still on this unpredictable journey to motherhood. And, like that elephant, I have been pregnant for two years. Not physically, of course. But, on paper, as we wait to adopt.
Two years ago this week I attended my very first informational meeting about adoption with a dear friend of mine. She is also a mom who has been through the adoption process and has a beautiful daughter. She would totally agree with me that the road to motherhood is not without its painful detours.
Since college, I have always wanted to adopt and dreamed of scooping littles ones up from all around the world. But, some days I just wish to have another baby but it just isn't the very best thing medically for my body and that brings its own set of feelings of loss.
Adopting has proven to be just like pregnancy. It is a lot of waiting. A lot of unknowns. A lot of shallows breaths. A lot of sleepless hours or dreams of babies who aren't in my arms. A lot of wishing and expecting. There is no "planned parenthood" when it comes to adoption. We could adopt tomorrow or in a year. Even though we have been active with our agency for 14 months! There is no due date.
So, for now, I will for this month feel empathy for that mama elephant as I wait and wait and wait and wait....how long do we wait???? How many times will we come close and it fall through?
Pray for us as we wait. Pray for wisdom as we think about our family and what is best for our future. Pray that God will grow our family through adoption and prepare us along the way. Pray for me as I can't get a full deep breath and my sleep is affected just like it was when I was waiting on my boys.
Pray we get THE call and it doesn't fall through....again!
