Several months ago I was cleaning out my inbox and I moved
an email to Hudson’s folder. I had a quick thought, “I’ll show this to him one
day.” I can’t explain why my brain does that. I am very clear that my son is in
heaven. I miss him every second of every day. I’m consistently aware of his
absence and where he would be sitting at the table, in the grocery cart, in the
back seat, at church, etc. But, randomly I have these moments like the one with
saving an email for later. I can’t explain why this happens but it does and it
catches me off guard. I don’t think I had ever mentioned this happening to
Corey and then yesterday it happened to him.
It was a hot, beautiful day to be outside so we took Graham
to play in the water and to get ice cream. As we were leaving Corey took Graham
to change out of his wet clothes and I went inside the store. We said we would
meet at the car in a few minutes. When I came back Corey told me, “I just had a
weird thought. I was getting Graham to the car and randomly said to myself that
you must have Hudson.”
We both cried for the palpable absence of our sweet boy and
then smiled a bit knowing that our hearts can’t help but still parent him and
look out for him. We never forget he’s gone but there are moments we are still “mama
and daddy.” We save things to show him and think to be sure he’s looked after
as we walk to the car.
We’re still looking out for our boy. Always will. Our hearts
won’t let us do otherwise even though our minds know he’s in good hands.
Missing you, Huddy Buddy!
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