On that note I was in Wal-Mart this week buying up tons of supplies for an event we had on campus at my new job (I'm done with maternity leave...boo!). I was on the aisle getting napkins, spoons and bowls for our End of Year Ice Cream Social.
As I stood their trying to find the best deal for hundreds of bowls, I overheard a conversation that should not happen at all, much less in public. It was an older married couple. The wife was berating her husband over something he put in the cart. She said things like, "Why are you so stupid? We don't need this and I'm not paying that for this." The berating was much longer and louder. Her husband slowly walked by me and rounded the corner, standing at the end of the aisle waiting for his wife. He never said a word even as his wife continued louder and louder as he walked away.
My first thought was, "Yikes! I shouldn't be here! Poor guy!"
Then I thought about Corey. That wonderful husband of mine. My guess is this wife in Wal-Mart potentially felt about her husband the way I feel about Corey at some point in her life. But, something had changed over the many, many years together. I wonder when it shifted. When did it become okay in their marriage that she could say hateful things to him and he just take it quietly? Was it after she suffered some great loss or illness and her patience had dwindled? When did she start taking him for granted, like he will always be around and take whatever she dishes out? What day did she decide, "I think I will berate my husband and make him feel low, unimportant, stupid and in my way."?
The sad thing I realized as I left the aisle in Wal-Mart is that this wife didn't make those decisions. She fell into them slowly. She did not decide 30 or 40 years ago to uplift her husband even when it is incredibly hard to. She let herself one decision, one cutting word at a time become someone that even me, a stranger, wanted to run away from.
My other thought was, "What if this husband made a real mistake?" She'd have his skin! For some reason this husband stayed with this woman. He was beaten daily I'm sure by her words and somehow he stayed.
I've been thinking about this older couple all week and praying for wisdom, patience and intentional decisions in how I speak to and about my incredible husband...no matter his actions. He is mine to uplift. He is entrusted to me to eventually present to Christ. I get to be his best cheerleader and soft place to land at the end of the day. I pray now as I write this that no matter the pains of life that come that God would keep me soft. Keep my tone loving and forgiving. That Corey would come to me first in a failure rather than being worried at my response. That he would know I have his back no matter what.
I realize the husband in Wal-Mart isn't innocent. I'm sure he has damaged their marriage in his own ways. BUT, a wife's tongue can tear her husband down or lift him up like no one else's. A wife's tongue has more power than we give it credit. I hope that I will make intentional decisions how I speak to Corey rather than 10 years from now we have some terrible pattern that is almost impossible to stop.
Call me on it if you see it changing in me. I'm serious!
I love this man and finally got him after 34 long years of waiting and praying.
He is invaluable and I hope that 40 years from now if we are in Wal-Mart together picking out old people stuff then what strangers in their 30's would observe about us is deep love, lots of forgiveness given and me giggling at his silly voices & noises and of course us being hand in hand stealing as many kisses as I get in this lifetime.
Lord, thank you for Corey. Guard my tongue. Don't let me take him for granted....ever! Amen.
PS This song below is on repeat when I'm at my desk at work!
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